The thumping of my feet in my 5-finger shoes
would’ve embarrassed me if I didn’t have Brand New
drowning out the gym, my feet, the patrons
All but my thoughts it muffled
Those padded along with my feet
This general frustration with life
I can’t seem to shake
I don’t handle the time between change well
I realized while breathing harder
I fight it
but I can’t win
unless I learn patience,
It hasn’t gone well for me in the past,
Breathing hard, heart beating fast, too fast?
Maybe
I surpass the two stopping points I had decided on
in my head
but I’m still not satisfied, not proud of my results
I want my legs to burn hotter
my lungs to strain more, that 170 bpm heart to push harder
Burst?
Maybe
I want more sweat dripping off
my hair, down my forehead
I want to work off this mental discomfort
I haven’t been able to shake with writing, working, thinking
But I stop at 1 point something miles anyway.
It feels good to feel drained
and hot while I stretch my
nose to my knee
But not good enough.
Nothing has felt good enough in awhile now
And I don’t really know why
Or where I went. In between change.
(written August 6, 2011)
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