A Pondering on Who You Think I Am, and if You'd Like Me if You Knew Who I Am to Me....

How does your mind rotate thoughts of me?
Do I look just like a girl,
any girl,
that walks by you
down the street
on an autumn afternoon?


If we met in the Summer,
dark hair wild and tanned skin exposed,
would you have watched me
as I cantered closer
and past you?


When I smile up at you from pillows
do you notice the white spots on my two front teeth;
and smudges of misplaced eyeliner from sleep?
Or do I glow to you,
lips full
eyes piercing
inviting you to smile back at me,
to care whether I laugh or sigh?


When you hear my voice do you wonder
what else is hiding
behind my words?


Do you think my touch feels different
than others you've had?


When we're living our separate lives
and you're reminded of my face
do you let it linger,
or ignore it?


What do you rotations say about me,
about you,
about "us"


Am I even me to you
or somebody else completely?


And what happens when my I
shows up in yours?


(written October 22, 2009)

Eyes closed and mind open
you came to me in a dream
What did you say?
Straining through time to talk to me,
your daughter.

You see me
half imagination and all grown
Standing in front of you
Finally
and it's good
Except I'm scared,
Guilty for fearing.

Maybe I asked,
has it been so long?
If only you could answer
not so long...
...not so long
And maybe you did.

When I left
how you must have tried to hold on
for dear life already lost

I'm sorry


I will dream every hour to find you
I will crawl deep into the sky where you stay
I will wait to see you again the only way I can

With my eyes closed and mind open.

Have you ever?

Have you ever been in love?
Neither have I.


Unless being in love is not only a willingness foreign to you,
but a yearning,
to give yourself up to one person
In a sacrifice of heart
And a joining of soul
In what you're sure will be the happiest turn of events in your
already Charmed life,


Unless being in love is doing something ordinary,
say driving,
When all of the sudden the music is grabbing your cheeks
while the pavement melts away from yellow stripes,
into a Globe of cloud-dusted hemisphere
And the wind-scented highway watching your insides jump out of your body with joy,
All because the words you sang made you picture his face,


Unless being in love is the most
salt-bearing,
tearing,
helpless pain
that drags your usually happy spirit under the current
and beats your limbs beneath slimy rocks,
and drowns you slowly
as your lungs fill and burst,
and drip of the the cracks of your eyes
When he breaks you.


Then
I have.


(written September 14, 2009)

2 Short Poems

There are rainy nights,
There are drops of dew on the paper,
There are places I haven't gone
and never will,
There are people I've lost
that I'll never meet again.




There are chemical reactions that control me,
I am a machine,
I am a series of systems that don't know how to break
But I am broken,
I have come so far and backwards,
I have wrecked the redness of my heart,
I will crack you and only feel bad enough to forget in a week,
because I am just a function,
Moving through, trying to build,
And you erased yourself from my thoughts in a moment.


(written September 16,  2009)

Bite

In my mind
there is a mosquito bite.
It itches when I least expect it and
gets sore at my too rough
touch.
It teases me with
its scabby face,
and bleeds when I think it is finally
healed.
When it is gone, I forget
where it was,
No matter how inflamed it was
or how many midnight minutes it kept me from sleep.
Because now there is another
Bite
that drives me crazy
with itching,
And its even bigger than the last.

Long Time Gone... but Worth it??

So a number of things have happened in the past two weeks that have caused me not to update my poetry every weekday like I had been.
1. While still in Alabama, I realized that I needed to find the poetry I had written in Dr. Eklund's class- rough drafts and all. I knew that the notebook/binder/folder was somewhere in Loveland, Ohio. Not an easy fix from 500+ miles away! I decided to wait until I got to Ohio to find them, and then continue posting new poems from there.
2. My grandma got really sick. I don't really feel like going into details, but it was very emotionally tiring and time consuming, so it was obviously more important to spend time with my Meme and my family than to find my long-lost-poetry. But believe me, it was on my mind. Even after finding it, I didn't have much time to sit and choose poems to post and to dilly dally on the internet. And even when I had time, I was just sooo drained that I couldn't bring myself to do much of anything productive.
There is good news in all of this. Not only did I locate my poetry (as I have mentioned above) but there are some GEMS hidden in there that I never even pursued, so I am really excited to start getting some of it up here!
P.s. I know that all of you who read this probably already knew what was going on and weren't terribly concerned about my blog, but just in case there is somebody else out there that has been checking in, I wanted to make sure I explained :)

August 31, 2009


My body is a newly spun cocoon
holding myself
as I Transform,
Meaningless on its own,
Empty eventually,
Powerful always.
The insides crawl and wrap,
Swallowed by Learning
and Life,
Hoping to emerge Better than before,
or maybe just Different,
but never,
never,
the same.
I won't emerge without growth,
unless the cocoon fails me--
Unless I Fail myself.